Courtney Abrams

Here's a long one, and let me tell you IT IS WORTH IT. If you know as little about privatized vs. nationalized healthcare as I do, this is the post for you. Courtney is like the really cool older sister you never had, and not only is she cool, she's actually nice to you, too. She shares her cool older sister stuff with you, lets you hang out with her friends, even gives you startlingly sage advice about your girl problems. And while most people drop the standard perfunctory "How are you?" as an invitation for you to ask how they are so they can talk about themselves for ten minutes, you can tell that Courtney really wants to know how you are. A third-year medical student at MUSC, she gives us the low-down on her future plans for her medical career and a golden nugget of a coming out story. Read on, fair readerling!

QQ: Tell me a little bit about yourself, where you’re from, that sort of thing.

CA: Well, I’m Courtney Abrams, and the most defining thing about me right now is that I am a third-year medical school student at MUSC. I grew up in Charleston, we moved here when I was three. I grew up in a really politically active household and from a really early age had instilled in me this really passionate fighting sense of social justice. I grew up canvassing with my Mom for the Mayor’s Council for Affordable Housing, and watching political debates on TV with her trying to explain it to me. That really defined a lot of my childhood, which was great, and both of my parents were so big on social outreach, so we would do Families Helping Families at Christmas and we would go serve at the Crisis Ministries soup kitchen. That was part of my childhood that I don’t think I valued until I got a little older. I went to college at the State University of New York at Geneseo near Rochester, New York, and I studied Political Science and did my thesis on the structure and sustainability of the Canadian single payer health care system, so I got really involved in health policy when I was in college, then did some graduate work at the University of Massachusetts, then dabbled in law school very briefly.

QQ: So how did you become involved in the LGBTQ community?

CA: Well I kind of grew up with it in a way. I have and had a lot of family members who are gay and lesbian, so technically my involvement started when I was three and we went to visit my aunt in San Francisco, and she was marching with her lesbian conga drum and maraca group, Sista Boom, so I marched in the San Francisco Pride parade with her at the age of three. My parents were very conscious of making it—it wasn’t even different it just was. Some aunts and uncles were married to each other, some aunts were with other women, some uncles were with men, it wasn’t even different, it was just part of our family dynamic. My formal involvement probably started in college, with the Women’s Action Coalition.

QQ: When did you come out?

CA: Oh God, I came out really late for some reason, and I still don’t know why, because I had no fear of retribution. There was no question in my mind that it wouldn’t change a thing about the way my family looked at me. Growing up, everyone always assumed that I was gay, and I never understood why, and so I think just to be contrary I was very determined that I was not going to be. Looking back I could kick myself, hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I came out to my parents probably about three or four years ago, I actually don’t really remember. It was a while after I first came out to myself and started exploring dating women and things like that; I think it was just something I wanted to have well researched. I wanted to be able to say, “This is something I have realized, and it’s something I realized a while ago and here’s how I can back it up.” I think because I come from a family of attorneys, that’s how we process things, I know that sounds really weird…

QQ: No, I understand, both of my parents are lawyers, too.

CA: So you get it, you have to have the background before you stake your claim.

QQ: Yeah, you have to be ready to fight to the doom…

CA: Yeah, and even though I knew they wouldn’t care, I knew that the first question would be, “Well that’s wonderful, have you been dating somebody?” And I wanted to be like, “Yes, I’ve dated this person and I’ve met this person and done this and so clearly, I am, in fact, a lesbian.”

QQ: That’s hilarious.

CA: And I have to tell this story cause I love it. When I came out to my Mom, we were walking the dogs, and I told her that I’d been dating someone and that someone was a girl, and she kind of paused and she said, “So, what you’re saying is, you kissed a girl and you liked it.” I was like “Mom! Come on!” And she goes, “Was it the taste of her cherry chap stick?” And then I told my Dad. He was watching the football game or some sporting thing on TV, and I was like Dad can I talk to you for a second, and he didn’t really look away form the TV, but he was like, “Yeah, what’s up?” And I said “I’m dating someone and that someone is a girl,” and he goes “Okay.” I was like, “Do you have anything to say about that?” And he was like, “Well, no republicans.” That was it. It was probably the easiest coming out in the history of gayness. I couldn’t ask for a more supportive family.

QQ: What are your future plans as far as the medical profession goes? Do you plan on melding your career with activism?

CA: Absolutely. I don’t think I could have a career that didn’t have a big foot in social justice. I have another year of rotations to do to figure out what I want, but I really like family medicine. I also really like emergency medicine, and I just did a child and adolescent psychiatry rotation that I loved, so I’m kind of on the fence. I’ll probably wind up in primary care because I can do a little bit of everything with that.

Regardless of what primary field I go into, my major, major goal is that I also want to be an abortion provider a couple days a week at a clinic like Planned Parenthood, because the number of providers is steadily declining, and the physicians who came into practice in a pre-Roe V. Wade world and know what that looks like are retiring, so we now have a very complacent generation of future physicians who take for granted that those rights are there, and that they’re not in danger, when in fact they’re in danger every day. So, in that sense, I think social activism will be a very big part of my work. I’m a big supporter of Planned Parenthood, and Physicians for Reproductive Health and Choice, and I’m the president of Medical Students for Choice at MUSC right now. So that aspect of my political and social views will be part of my work.

In terms of GLBTQAAI activism, I don’t think I can separate that from who I am and my job. One of the things I really liked about child and adolescent psychiatry was the chance to talk to some kids who were wrestling with their sexuality. Just to hear their fears and what about it was confusing and scary, and ways that they thought it could be better or easier, ways that they could feel safe. Just talking to them and hearing their stories has been invaluable. I would love to volunteer at a group like We Are Family, as their physician on call, to be there whenever they need someone to come talk to the kids, and of course my personal life is very wrapped up in that sort of activism.

QQ: What do you think the medical community’s role in the broader community should be, ideally?

CA: I think we are supposed to be the advocates for our patients, no matter who those patients may be, especially when those patients are youth, and may not have their own voice legally. I think our responsibility, as their providers, is to be their voice. We hold a unique position in the sense of confidentiality, in that what a patient tells us, short of some serious legal demands, has to stay confidential. I think it’s up to us to take those things that we hear in confidence, and find a way to incorporate them in our day-to-day practice. So, when a patient comes to us and says “I’m gay and I’m scared,” or “I think I might be a lesbian, and I said this to my Mom, and my Mom hit me.” Or when they come to you and they say, “I’m biologically a boy, but I think I’m a girl, I think I was meant to be a girl,” as a physician, it is your job not to judge these patients but to help them find their voices, to help them come to grips with whatever is concerning them or scaring them, and then to take that message to the community at large. It’s such a privilege to be in the position to become a doctor. To be, I guess, worthy of hearing these peoples stories, you need to do them justice, do not let these stories be told to you in vain. Take them to the community at large and say, “I’m a physician, and I’m here to tell you that homosexuality is not a psychiatric disease, I’m here to tell you that these kids are suffering and here’s how they’re suffering, and here’s how they’re vulnerable, and I can tell you this because these kids talk to me in confidence, and while I’m not going to break that confidence, I’m here to tell you that we do have a problem, and it’s time we address it.” And maybe you come at that from this old world view that the doctor has kind of a special place in professional society. I think you need to use that to your advantage, take that soapbox that they give you and step up on it. Take that authority and use it to help your patients outside of the office.

QQ: So I’m thinking of the pharmaceutical companies and of how so much of America is being privatized. What do you think is necessary to insure that those in the medical profession are able to prioritize the well-being of their patients over the profits?

CA: Very naively, I would hope that you would never compromise a patient’s care for profit, and that is supposed to be one of the tantamount pillars of our profession. Realistically, I know that’s probably not always the case, which is sad. Personally, I’m probably one of the biggest supporters of a national health care system you’ll ever meet. The profession has to be for-profit--I would like to make a living and pay off my student loans--but, I think when it becomes a profit-driven, capitalist profession, you do sort of lose that sense of, you know, well this patient really needs to talk to me for longer than the allotted appointment and I don’t have anything to do later, let me sit and talk with them, versus let me shoo them out the door anyway, and use that twenty minutes that I have free to do all my paperwork. I think part of the biggest problem is that it’s such a red-tape-driven profession, and unfortunately, it’s becoming a cover-your-rear sort of practice because as a country we can be somewhat lawsuit happy, and sometimes it’s completely warranted and sometimes it’s not, but there is such a fear of lawsuit that doctors wind up practicing very defensive medicine. So they are ordering unnecessary tests, they are being done with patients when the appointment is finished and they are then having to sit down and do hours and hours and hours of paperwork at the end of the day. That sort of thing shifts from being more patient-centered to being more bureaucracy-centered, and that’s a chicken-or-egg kind of thing, I don’t know where that started. It’s so refreshing to see physicians who are focused on their patients, and that is still the majority of people in the medical field, but I do think that when you take away the regulation on how much profit you can get from a patient, you stop focusing on the patient. In the countries where they do have a universal healthcare scheme, and doctors are certainly still well-paid, I think you do see a bit more focus on patient well-being. They’re not perfect by any means, but I think they do maintain a bit more focus on patients.

QQ: Okay, all of that being said, if you could pick three things that you would want to see happen in Charleston in the next year, what would you welcome to our community?

CA: One thing I would definitely like to see is more engagement, across all spectrums. I would love to see more political engagement throughout the city and the county. We have a nice arts community--I would love to see more engaged theater, more engaged art and music. I have found those very engaged underground arts communities in other places, and I really enjoyed that. In Massachusetts, I was in this really tiny town called Amherst, and the first weekend I was there, I walked into town and there was a big banner across the main road that said “Happy Untied Nations Appreciation Day!” and I was like, this is the greatest town ever! Little things like that, and honestly, having grown up here, I think Charleston has really made big steps in that. I would just like to see more, I would like to see people taking to the streets and trying to make their voices heard.

I would like to see the GLBTQAAI community unite better. I think that sometimes we can be our own worst enemy; we can be very divisive, amongst ourselves. And we’re a small community but we’re growing, and we have the capacity to be a very loud community, and make ourselves heard, but I don’t think we do that as well as we could, because we are very busy being cliquey, in some ways, and I hope that’s not offensive to anybody, that’s just what I’ve observed. I would love to see us come together better as a community more, not just on Pride weekends but come together in our day-to-day, and work together instead of against each other.

QQ: What do you think about all the stuff that’s going on with DADT, what’s your take on that?

CA: I don’t know why that policy still exists, I don’t know why in this day and age something like that is still acceptable, and why people are still fighting for it. You’re asking people to go to war for their country, to potentially give up their lives, and put their families on hold and their lives on hold to defend their country, which is, I think, one of the most honorable things you can ask of a person. But you’re asking them to defend rights that they don’t have, to defend rights and benefits that their families don’t have. I mean you’re asking people to go out and potentially die for rights that you’re not actually going to afford them, and you’re asking their families back home to not have the same stability that others have, simply because of who they love.

QQ: What is your definition of feminism and why do you think feminism is relevant and important to the LGBTQ community and rights movement?

CA: I always liked that quote, “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.” I do consider myself a feminist, and feminism, to me, how I believe it and practice it, is the striving for equality. Not special treatment, not more than, not making up for past wrongs, just literally put us on the same playing field. I keep hearing and reading things about how there is no need for feminism because now women have achieved equality, but it’s just not true. I think we still have such a long way to go.

I don’t think that we can separate the two movements, necessarily, I think the two movements could help each other, but the flip side of that is that I go to Barnes and Noble and the feminist section and the GLBT section are the same thing, they throw the feminist books in with the GLBT books, and as someone who identifies in both communities it sort of irritates me because these are separate identities for me, I can be one without being the other. Because both can sometimes have a negative spin, from the public and the media, I do think we need to recognize them as separate movements, and let them help each other, and parallel each other, but not necessarily be lumped together.

QQ: If you had to ask yourself an interview question, what would it be?

CA: What do I think is a big problem in politics today? I see so little cohesiveness, and I’m really sick of party politics, and the idea that if you are a Republican you’re gonna vote this way and if you’re a Democrat you’re gonna vote this way. I think there are issues that don’t need to exist in party lines, things like gay rights and women’s rights, the environment, international aid. Nobody wants there to be starving children, nobody wants people to be bullied to the point that they commit suicide, nobody wants doctors to be gunned down in their homes or churches, nobody wants to see oil spills, nobody wants to see the environment falling apart and trees being chopped down, at least I hope no one wants to see these things. But I think we get so caught up in what’s supposed to define each party that we miss an opportunity to dissolve party lines, to reach across and say this is not a Democrat issue, this is not a Republican issue, this is not a political party issue, it’s not even a political issue, this is a human issue, it’s a human problem and humanity needs to work together.

We assign ourselves to those parties or candidates or ideologies based on factors that are incredibly personally important but that don’t need to be your political motivator. I hear a lot of people say they’re gonna vote for one person because they are a good Christian. Okay, but maybe that person’s policies don’t help you. Maybe you’re one of those people who really needs a strong public school system, because you can’t afford to send your kids to a private school. Maybe you’re one of those people who needs lower taxes on certain products. Maybe you’re one of those people who needs a strong public health system, or more benefits for Welfare recipients or disability recipients. But there’s this bizarre tie between certain political parties and certain religious beliefs and certain ideological beliefs, and certain by-lines, one word scare tactic bylines, and I don’t mean for that to sound like a conspiracy theory, but I think there are ties like that which don’t necessarily have a real basis in truth but they’re easy to glom onto. People cling to that. I think that becomes a massive problem with our voting population. It perpetuates stereotypes, and I would love to see those stereotypes broken. We have these ideas that the Democrats are gonna raise your taxes and the Republicans don’t care about the environment. It’s not that simple.

QQ: What is your definition of the term queer?

CA: I think queer would be the label between traditional labels, if that makes sense, more of an all-inclusive label. If you say you are gay, you are a man who is only sexually attracted to and only sleeps with men; if you say you’re a lesbian, you’re a woman who is only sexually attracted to and only sleeps with women. If you say you’re a girl, that has a specific connotation to it both biologically and socially; if you say you’re a boy, same thing. Queer is the fluidity between all of the set labels.

QQ: As far as healthcare goes, what is a single-payer system versus a multiple-payer system? Tell me a little bit about your thesis, and how Canada and the U.S. differ. Where are we right now and is that enough?

CA: Well, right off the bat, no, it’s not enough, in fact I don’t even think it’s a good bandaid. I went to school about half an hour south of Lake Ontario, so we were right on the Canadian border, and this was when it was a lot easier to go across the border and get your prescriptions filled. I got really interested in health policy while I was in college, and I had a fantastic thesis advisor who sort of helped me as much as he could and then let me loose to tear things apart! So, the Canadian system is what’s known as a single-payer system. In privatized healthcare systems, like in the US, we have multiple payers, and so we have the patient, their private insurance system, the government, and any government-run health insurance (medicare, welfare, medicaid, any child assistance program). It becomes incredibly complicated in terms of who is responsible for paying what, and insurance companies, depending on which one you have, might cover this procedure, might not, might deny you for having a preexisting condition, might not, so there’s no guarantee that you’re going to have insurance, and there’s no guarantee about who is going to be the primary payer. The problem is we have a huge portion of this country that doesn’t make enough to afford private insurance, but doesn’t make little enough to qualify for government-assisted insurance.

I looked at the single-payer system in Canada, and it is single-payer in that there is one person responsible, and that is the government. So if you are a citizen of Canada, it is actually written into their constitution that you are guaranteed healthcare coverage. I looked at the structure of the single-payer system, how it worked federally and provincially, the balance that they had established between the federal and provincial governments, and what the most recent studies were finding as far as overall health and overall satisfaction with the healthcare system. In this piece of legislation called the Canada Health Act, the federal government says that all citizens will have coverage of things that are medically necessary, and it lists a few criteria for what is medically necessary, and then it leaves it up to the provinces to decide if they are going to expound upon that, or leave it at that bare minimum. So there are differences in terms of coverage between the provinces, just like there are in the States. The flip side is that if you are a citizen of Canada, you have health insurance, it’s not a question of can you afford to go to the doctor, are you trying to decide between going to the doctor or putting food on the table, it’s not a question of that. It’s comprehensive coverage for everyone, and it’s made even more comprehensive for people below a certain income level. I was incredibly impressed by it. Also, I found that a lot of what we hear in the States, about there being long waiting lines and everything, is so exponentially exaggerated, for reasons I still don’t understand. It’s a very flawed system but it’s also a very comprehensive system. At the time I was writing my thesis, eighty seven percent of Canadians were satisfied with their health care system. When I was there, doing my research and talking to people in the policy sector about what they thought, as analysts, I found that it’s such a part of their national identity that they think of access to healthcare as a right.

The only thing I see that system doing is improving, whereas for the U.S., we’re just digging ourselves into a bigger and bigger hole. The more complicated we make this health insurance system, the worse it’s going to be for everybody. The beauty of the Canadian single-payer system, the beauty of the NHS in England, the beauty of the healthcare systems in Scandinavian countries, which, not even arguably, have the best healthcare in the world, is that they are so simple, and that healthcare is provided, bottom line, for everybody. There are also private insurance companies, so if you choose to supplement, if you can afford to supplement, that’s fine, but you’re not going to do that at the expense of anyone else.

I think what we have in the U.S. is not even really a band-aid. It was such a double-edged sword, I was glad that it passed because I felt like if it didn’t pass it would be another two or three administrations before we made any headway with healthcare, but the flip-side is that I don’t think we actually did any good, I don’t think it was good legislation by the time it passed. They took out the public health aspect of it, theres no longer any part of government health insurance. So I don’t think we did anything to fix it.

QQ: Do think there’s a way we could do it in the U.S. that would appease the majority of people?

CA: I think what’s very different about the U.S. is the national attitude, our national identity. The U.S. has such a grip, sometimes to its own detriment, on the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. I support that, but everybody needs to have boots to begin with. So, if you’re not providing the boots, as a country, what are you expecting people to do?

QQ: Thanks Courtney!

Interview with Bill Bowick

Bill Bowick's Lady Baltimore cupcakes are almost--almost--as famous as his really awesome spectacles. When you ask any given Charlestonian if they've been to Sugar Bakeshop, they'll say, "Oh, is the place run by the guy with the really cute spectacles? I love those things!" But besides the beloved eyewear, there are many things to love about Bill. For example, he moved all the way to Charleston with his partner, David, from New York City, to bestow the cookies and smiles readily available at his bakeshop upon us undeserving philistines. What else is there to love, you may ask? Well, read on, fair patron, and see for yourself...that is, if you can get past the most awesomest spectacles ever.

Tell me a little bit about yourself, where you’re from.

I was born in Cartersville, Georgia, but I was only there for a few months. My Dad is a Baptist minister, so my family moved a good bit when I was young. I grew up mostly in Chattanooga, I would spend my winters and fall there, and my summers in Charleston with my Dad. My parents divorced when I was eleven, and my Dad’s family was from Charleston and my Mom’s was from Chattanooga. So I would come to Charleston when most people were leaving because of the heat. It was a very interesting place, it was a different city then. I’m glad I was here then. At the time, I wasn’t very well entertained, I was pretty bored, but in retrospect it was a pretty interesting time to know Charleston, it was more off the beaten path.

So what brought you back here?

I really wanted to be in a smaller community where I could make more of an impact. And I knew Charleston. It’s such an interesting, charming, vital city, especially for a city of its size. I actually like the small size of it. When I was younger I wouldn’t have appreciated that but I do now. I had this idea of opening a business, but the idea of doing that in New York sounded so cut-throat, and maybe more difficult than it really needed to be, and we were kind of looking for a whole lifestyle thing, so for all of those reasons Charleston came up on our radar.

What motivates you to do what you do?

I like to do things for people, I like to make people happy. There are a lot of people with negative energy in the world, and it’s hard to be negative all the time. The whole time I lived in New York I had to remind myself not to smile too much. I feel like here I can just be myself and be happy and I can do this thing that I love to do for other people, thereby making them feel good. And baking is creative. In architecture, a creative thought might take a year or two, minimum, to be implemented. So I love the instant gratification from baking, it’s great and it’s very aesthetic, even in the approach, and in the final result.

Tell me about your original idea for Sugar, and how it’s developed.

The idea for Sugar is that we would sell small baked goods, and we wanted everything to be fresh, and local. I know its so trendy right now to be local. We see that as a sea change in the way people think. I hope that in the next few years, it won’t even be that big of a deal to identify as local, you’ll just expect that it would be. But we did want that, too. We wanted it to be local, fresh, and made from scratch. So that was the major concept. The name ended up being one of the most difficult things for us to decide on. We hit upon “Sugar” because, as architects, we like things that are pure and elemental. I like the idea of things that can be read in two ways as well, and there’s a lot of that in “Sugar, it’s a term of endearment in the South. So people can read it in two different ways, and appreciate it in both.

Tell me about an interesting experience you’ve had as a result of being in the community in such a public way, and owning a business.

Well, recently there was an article in the paper about us and out of the blue, we got a little note from another couple saying how great it is to see a positive impression of a gay couple in the community. That’s something that we really made an effort towards when we moved here. I have to admit, having grown up in the South, it was a little bit scary, because I had grown up here years previous, and I wasn’t sure what kind of reception we would get. I thought people might even avoid our store because of that. And we just decided that we were going to be--not in your face--just natural, and even in New York, sometimes you have to strive to make that happen. It feels real comfortable to us. We’ve had lots of positive interactions from people coming into the shop.

How do you define community?

To me a community has to be people who are bonded and working together. My utopian community is that everybody is there. I am not an elitist, I really want everyone to be there. Thats a good thing, to me, whereas a lot of people don’t want certain elements. That’s community, everybody is there and you’re dealing with each other.

What are three things you would want to see happen in Charleston in the next year?

Gay marriage would be a nice thing. I would also like to see more gay clubs in high schools, more outreach programs to younger people. I know there’s some of that, but I’d like it to become a normal thing, rather than an unusual thing. I would like to see a gay pride parade in downtown Charleston. I really am so happy that the parade happened this past year, but I feel like to really own it in this area, the parade needs to be downtown.

What projects are you currently involved in in the community?

I’m organizing the Halloween parade and fair, which is something that is new that I came up with because of community. This is a busy area, with a lot of streets that run through it, and we’re trying to create a cohesive community rather than something you just pass through. We’ve reached out to all different groups, we hope everybody will be there. I really want it to be a creative thing.

We also give our leftovers away to My Sister’s House and a soup kitchen. We also help with the YMCA.

Tell me what you think about the state of the gay community in Charleston. What do you think we have going on here? What do you think we could work on? What do you think are our strengths?

Well one of the greatest things is that campaign that AFFA had along the interstate. The thing is that--not just in Charleston but in the South--people really hid. I had friends who I grew up with, who stayed in the South, and they really lived through difficult times because of it. What I’m really looking for in the Charleston gay community is for people to feel at ease to be themselves. I really want that to happen, not for my own reasons but for everybody's happiness. They should be free to live their lives and not worry or live in fear or hide. They shouldn’t have to hide...One of the things that other cities have that I wish we had was a gay publication. they have them in lots of places, even Savannah has one. A little publication, a great guide, that really helps gel the community, it has ads for people who live and work here, it has events that are going on, it has ways to meet people, groups that are meeting. It’s a one-stop thing and you can take it with you.

How do you define queer?

I am really infatuated with the idea of ownership of things, like when you talk about derogatory terms for someone. My partner David doesn’t really like me to use this, but sometimes I’ll use the term queer in a powerful way. It’s all about how you think about it. I do think we are different, and that’s a great thing. If a white straight guy was different he’d celebrate, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of being different, we should celebrate it and be happy about it. I don’t totally know the roots of the term, but it comes from otherness and difference. I think it’s a good thing, a term that we can use to empower us.

Name one stereotype that has been deployed against gay people and debunk it.

Let’s talk about promiscuity and relationships. In the seventies, people used to talk about that a lot. Most of society was in these monogamous relationships, and it was like look at these gay people, they’re sleeping with everyone they have no relationships, they can’t even do it, they’re too childlike, you’d hear things like that. What I really think is that what we were missing was the institution of relationships in gay heritage. There wasn’t much written about it, and people didn’t really even--you know, in my generation, we were inventing how to be a gay couple that would stay together for a while. So I think we have that now, we have that example, so I think, you know this whole thing about gay marriage--it’s not so important that we have to be exactly like everyone else, but we should have that capability, and I think that when you look at the fact that we are striving to be in these relationships and have them be named legitimate, that really debunks that theory. We’re the same as everybody else. We may have our faults, but humans are social creatures. So that’s a myth.

What is your definition of feminism, and do you think it’s important to the LGBTQ movement and community?

Yeah, I think, and I read something about this, that a lot of the feminist movement was tied in [with the gay rights movement], it just wasn’t really addressed that way at the time. I see it as equality and power for women. Ironically, I think that feminism has really--I know that in an earlier generation men had a lot of difficulty with it, but I think it’s freed a lot of us form boxes that we were living in... My mom was a feminist when I was growing up. I think I’ve mentioned this to you before, but one thing I really like about younger feminists is that you sew and knit and things, or maybe you like to bake, and you know it doesn’t make you any weaker. And I think the earlier generation felt like they couldn’t do that and still be a feminist. So I think it’s great that women are embracing that past knowledge. Even a few years ago there was a commercial that said “Real men don’t bake” or something and it just makes me so mad every time I see stuff like that!

Tell me about growing up gay in the South.

It’s interesting because I just tried to behave a certain way. Even when I was a little boy I used to behave a certain way. My family was always tolerant of it, or they might’ve tried to guide me certain ways, but they would give me dolls for Christmas. So from a family standpoint it was supportive. But there’s definitely a religious element in the South. In my opinion, a lot of the religious element isn't really based in scripture, it’s interpretation. If you look at, for instance, divorce, it’s so prevalent in our society, well if you read the bible that’s a pretty terrible thing. Eating shellfish is pretty bad, too, but people choose to focus on gayness. So that’s a cultural thing. And that was difficult. I just hid, I mean even in school I didn’t join the art club or take art classes because I was trying to hide my creative aspect. So from those things it was bad. I think a lot of creative forces have come out of the South, if you look at great writers like Truman Capote or many, many others; a lot of great designers like Paul Rudolph, the architect. And I think a lot of that is from the adversity they experienced when they were growing up. So through that anguish or difficulty, good things have come, so I always try to focus on that as well.

Tell me how you feel about the rhetoric of choice we use in the gay community?

I don’t see how anyone could help to be conflicted about that. In all honesty, if I had a child, and I wanted them to live an easier life, I would probably wish that they weren’t gay. It would be easier. But at the same time, we shouldn’t be ashamed of it, or be unhappy, if we were to have a child who is gay. Differentness isn’t bad. It’s just different, so regardless of the reason, we shouldn’t be discriminated against. I’ve certainly used that “I didn’t choose this” discussion with religious people, and I do think it’s true. I am constantly mystified by people who say that gay people choose it. They’re not gay, they don’t really know. There are a lot of religious people who are never going to believe it, but I don’t think that should stop us from putting ourselves out there. I honestly think that the more familiar people become with it, the less religious people will bring it up. Like with feminism or segregation. Billy Graham used to speak that segregation was laid out in the bible. But things change, things will change.

What group in the community is doing a really great job trying to achieve social justice?

I think AFFA. We were impressed and pleased to find AFFA here when we moved to Charleston, and I’m sure other people have felt that way. It seems to be a good, solid force. It’s interesting because it’s out there, but it’s not confrontational, and I think they’ve achieved things, already.

If you had to ask yourself an interview question, what would you ask?

I would ask myself if I am happy here in Charleston. And we are. At first when we got here we weren’t sure. David was still working away, and we didn’t know that many people. I knew Charleston could be kind of a closed place. I didn’t want to live in a city where we were here but not really part of it. So we’ve just been delighted to become part of it and feel at home here.

Thanks Bill!

*Also, a note of apology for my absence from the ranks of bloggers who update in a timely manner. Some of us have to graduate okay? But don't worry, I'm back in the game.*

Interview with Jenny Badman

Jenny Badman is one of those people whom other people say has "good energy". Maybe they can't put their finger on it, they say, "She's just...makes me feel good?" But if they're a self-respecting yoga-attending citizen, they'll say "good energy". It's kind of like being one of the Elect, this good energy thing. And Jenny Badman has it; she is easy to talk to, quick to smile, and has what I would call a comforting and well-adjusted world view. Jenny is also the author of a book of poetry called Rants. I guess people with good energy are allowed to say what's what when the what needs to be said--as long as they go straight to meditation afterwards. But enough of this rambling. Ladies, gentlemen, and ye of two spirits, I bring to you...

JL: Tell me a little bit about where you’re from and what you do.

JB: I’m from northern New Jersey, and I’ve been here almost eight years. I moved down here to be with an ex, picked up my little life and moved down to the sunny south. I’m a writer by trade, a freelancer, so I do marketing, advertising, websites and ads and brochures for a variety of clients downtown.

JL: Do you do any creative writing?

JB: I have a book of poetry I published back in ’02 or ’03 through a friend of my brother’s who has a bookshop and a little publishing house in Ohio. It’s free-verse, more conversational I would say, sort of short story in poetry form. I’m one of those people that people tell their stuff to, so I’m constantly barraged with this endless bevy of stories. So when you read it, you may think “This couldn’t have possibly all happened to one person!” And it didn’t. It’s called Rants.

JL: How would you define community?

JB: The first word that comes to mind is acceptance. But that still allows for disagreement, debate and conversation. It’s a network of people who have some common goals, who have decided collectively, a way of treating each other, a way of getting things done. I think Charleston is a great community and it has great sub-communities within the larger community. That’s one of the things I like best about it.

JL: What or who is your community?

JB: AFFA is definitely part of my community. I would say that through my work, the creative community here on a certain level is as well. There’s an interesting organization here called Parliament Charleston that puts on an event called Pecha Kucha. It’s an international organization; Pecha Kucha is Japanese for the sound of conversation, and the idea is you get all the creative folks together--poets, artists, architects, urban planners. You rustle them all up together and have some drinks, and you pick a group of presenters and they have six minutes and forty seconds to talk about what they are all about. They’ve done a couple here in Charleston, and one of my clients is heavily involved in the planning. It’s really been interesting, because even in a tight community like Charleston, the poets aren’t necessarily talking to the architects, and there’s so much to be gleaned form each other that way. So an emerging designer can talk to a graphic designer who is cranking away at a small company. That’s been really cool. And then my friends, they’re my community--they’re my family, I’d say.

JL: What are three things you’d like to see happen in Charleston in the next year?

JB: That’s a great question! There’s a project right now called “Battery to Beach”, which advocates the creation of a bike path that would allow people to be off the main roads and go from somewhere along the battery to Folly. I hope that gets realized within the next year. I don’t know if you heard about Edwin Gardner, who was killed on his bicycle this summer. I’m friends with his wife and I knew him peripherally, and it was so tragic and senseless. I do think there needs to be a better sharing of the road and mindfulness of one another. College kids tool around on their bikes, a lot of folks don’t wear helmets--it’s really scary, people just aren’t mindful of bikes here.

I’d love to see AFFA become one of the more powerful nonprofits in the city. My friend Kathy works for Crisis Ministries, and she jokes that the homeless are always going to win out over the gays. There are a lot of issues--there’s Darkness to Light, child sexual abuse, the homeless folks, Center for Women, people with cancer--they’re always going to trump what’s going on in the gay community. But, that being said, it’s our job to remind everybody that if it’s happening near you it’s happening to you, it’s not separate. Maybe what AFFA can do better in the coming year is continue to bring the straight community into the conversation.

Maybe bring Tori Amos back for a concert? That’s not very lofty. Maybe Joan Jett. Some cool rock n’ roll chick. Bring ‘em back to Charleston!

JL: Continuing in that same vein, describe a day in the Jenny Badman utopia world--everything’s perfect, what would it look like?

JB: A lot of acceptance, to feel comfortable anywhere holding my girlfriends hand in public. That people wouldn’t be defensive about conversation and healthy debate, that there’s room for every opinion, even the unpopular one’s, the one’s that make you cringe inside. To get a little hokey, I think that that is what the United States was founded on, that there is room for opinion, room for freedom of expression. News more like the BBC and less like entertainment. More accountability in general, in culture and in people personally. There’s a great organization here in town called Wings for Kids, it’s run out of Memminger Elementary school, and their whole deal is teaching emotional intelligence to at-risk kids. There’s really nothing more lofty than that in terms of purpose. It’s difficult to teach people who are in their 30s and 40s to be accountable when they haven’t lived accountably in many ways. So, emotional intelligence would be a curriculum. And I think everyone should have a chance to be near the water sometime in their life, because there’s something really magical about that.

JL: What would you say is something happening in mainstream culture that’s moving the conversation about queerness and queer identities forward?

Thats a hard one. Recently I saw the movie “The Kids are Alright”. A bunch of us from AFFA went together. It talks about a modern family, that family in this case being a lesbian couple who used a sperm donor, who was anonymous. It shows them having two children who become curious about their father, getting in touch with the father, and all the resulting relationships and angst and all the feelings that go along with that. It’s a really good movie, but it sparked a lot of conversation, even within our group, because there was some pandering to the straight community and assuming a lot of things about the gay community...I think sometimes gay culture is really hard on the ways we seep into culture through entertainment, because we get so afraid that we’re going to be painted in stereotypes.

I have a cousin who is transitioning, male to female, and he is sixty. He was married and has two children in their twenties. To hear him talk about it, well, it’s heartbreaking, just because I’ve known him my whole life as a man, but never knowing that he was struggling inside. There’s a lot of confusion and misunderstanding even in the gay community. Its always GLBT when we’re talking through AFFA, but the "T" part of our community, although it’s growing, is not well known. It’s not discussed a lot, there’s a lot of apprehension there, and confusion, and an ignorance, even within the space of the gay community. I think it’s an uncomfortable thing. AFFA used to have a reputation in town that it was for the rich gays. And certainly there are people with money in the space of AFFA, that’s true, and original people who were involved with AFFA happened to be “successful”. And way back when, that used to cause a rift, and still today, not all pockets of the gay community are talking to each other, and again what I think AFFA has really been trying to do in the past two years especially is to get that conversation going, keep that conversation going, and bring in people from every segment of the community. There should always be someone from the college involved, always someone from the gay club scene involved in what AFFA is doing, because you do have to be conscious of all of the voices. I think that’s a hard balance in any organization.

[SIDE NOTE: Anyone who can catch the punny in this past answer gets a prize!]

JL: What is your definition of the word queer?

JB: My definition of queer is probably not at all in-line with what academia is saying. I equate queer and gay as the same. In my mind, it’s a term for men and for women. As a word, I really like it, but it’s interesting because historically, it hearkens way back. I guess academia has to like, push the conversation about it into the spotlight. I mean, shouldn’t the New York Times Sunday section do a story on gender identity and the whole growing acronym thing? Academia all over seems to contain itself--they put their heads down and do the work, but some PR person needs to like, stick their head in there and be like, “We need to whip this out!”

JL: What’s your definition of feminism?

JB: It’s still such a dirty word isn’t it? I have a friend, Rebecca Traister, I always think of her first when someone says the word “feminism”. She and I worked together years ago, at a soap opera of all places, in New York City, and she is a fantastic writer, and she is a feminist. And I am, too, I identify as a feminist. I’m just not afraid to ask the question. I’m not afraid to say, “Why this way as opposed to that? Why are you assuming x, y, and z about me because I’m a woman, because I’m a gay woman?” We all assume things...it’s all about context. I’d really be interested to know who in my generation would identify as feminist, because I think it really started to take a turn for the worse, in terms of popularity. There are still so many stereotypes around it, rather than seeing it as an encouraging, uplifting, motivating sisterhood, which is how I would see it.

JL: If you could skyrocket someone to immediate fame, who would it be? Someone who everyone would be talking about and keeping their eye on?

JB: My mind immediately goes to all the baggage that comes with that sort of fame, and what you have to give up as a person, and would I really want to do that to anybody I respect? (laughs) I was thinking more along the lines of choosing someone who is a really great thinker, but how would someone like that respond to that? Hmm...I hate to say Warren, but I just think he has, well, everybody pokes fun at him all the time because he’s verbose, but I love that about him, and he loves a great story and is a great storyteller, and I think some of that comes from his former life as a priest. He can always bring stuff back around to make it applicable to somebody, he’s so good-hearted and so tireless in his pursuit of education, even for himself. I struggle with religion and faith to no end, but he stays so grounded in his beliefs and his faith, and I have a lot of respect for that even though I don’t always understand it.

JL: What questions do you think we should be asking ourselves as activists in the Charleston community?

JB: How can we continually bring in new people to the conversation? How do we do that, through what means? How can we partner with other like-minded organizations? Doug Warner, who is on the board now, is a power gay, if I can use the term. He and his partner are extremely well-connected in the community. They’re politically active, they’re socially active, they’re both on the boards of several non-profits in the city, and when I say that they are power gays I mean they’re the kind of people who when you meet them, they hear about what you like to do or want to do and they immediately say, “You know who you should talk to? Let me give you so-and-so’s email, you should really talk to them.” Not only do they say that, but then they make it happen. In two weeks you’ll get a phone call. Not all of us have the depth and breadth of relationships they do, but you look on Facebook, and its like, I have five hundred friends, a.)what does that mean, but b.) that’s 500 people who in some way are connected to me, so I think we need to ask ourselves what we are choosing to share with the people we already know. We’re always saying we need to meet more people, but what about doing better with the people we already know? That’s real work, and it’s a real opportunity for all of us.

JL: If you had to ask yourself an interview question, what would it be?

JB: What has coming out done to my life? Well, the answer to that is vast and varied of course, but it has meant everything to my life, it has been the most positive, although sometimes heartbreakingly difficult thing that I’ve ever done for myself and my life, and I think that, at it’s best, coming out is an act of self-love, of really being accountable, and nurturing of yourself, and by extension your family, and your community, and your world. I think ignorance and apathy and hiding who you are leads to all sorts of other problems, that I think we can point to directly in our society. It’s the greatest gift I’ve given myself. I had a conversation with my mother recently. She's seventy-two; she’s been a great mom. And she’s in a retirement community and she hasn’t told her friends that I’m gay. And I had to say “You have to understand that on some level, I feel like you’re ashamed of it.” I’m thirty-eight years old for God’s sake! And she was really taken aback by that, she really didn’t get it. But you don’t always want to be the daughter who is the free-lance writer and that’s all her friends get to hear about me. I know someone who is trying really hard to come out at work right now, and it’s really important to her that everyone likes her personally and thinks she’s an intelligent person before she comes out to them. I used to be like that, when I was first coming out in a work environment, but I’ve kind of switched that. I’d rather come out first, and then if they’re “okay” with that then they may also discover that I’m funny or that I’m an intelligent person. Because if I have to prove something to them through intelligence and behavior it’s like I’m being constantly graded as a person. I’m just a person! Gay is part of it, and I have green eyes! If you’re going to instantly write me off upon hearing that I’m gay, then it doesn’t really matter if you think I’m intelligent too, I’m just still gay...

JL: Thanks Jenny! I’m glad you’re gay! And I’m also glad you’re intelligent...or, as we like to call it here on Q&Q, intelligay...