JL: What do you do? What’s your life’s work?
NW: I guess my job is related to what I might call my life’s work because I’m an EMT and I got into that to help people. That’s what I want to do in a broad sense, help people, which is why I am trying to get into the Peace Corps. I want to get into that international development stuff. I like what the Peace Corps does, which is sustainable development. You don’t just go a dig a well, you teach someone how to dig a well, you don’t just teach them, you teach them how to teach others. So essentially, if you’re a successful volunteer, the work you started will continue long after you’re gone. That’s the kind of work that I’m really interested in, and that’s partly because of my job--it feels like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. You want to do more for people but you can’t. I’m in an ambulance with someone for fifteen minutes and then they go off into the hospital and I kind of have to cross my fingers. I’d like to not be in such a confined, bureaucratic system as I am right now.
JL: Tell me a little bit about Guy Faux.
NW: Guy Faux is my drag persona. He’s a cocky, hyper-sexual guy--he’s kind of supposed to be a jerk. Even down to the facial hair, he’s a jerk. He’ll dance up on you and be ridiculous--man, woman, gay, straight, he doesn’t care. And that’s the idea is that it’s so fun to do that. I’m ridiculous on my own but having that outlet for it, to be able to channel it all into this one character of somebody who is bumping and grinding all over the place--it’s a lot of fun! He’s definitely a part of me, but I can also be kind of awkward. Once I’m offstage people still think I’m him, and I’m like “I don’t wanna dance with you now! I’m not Guy Faux anymore, I just wanna dance with my friends and I don’t know you!” It’s kind of funny, the way that works. I’ve definitely had to be rescued after shows from people who wanted to dance with me. Really they just wanted to dance with Guy Faux.
JL: What is your definition of the term queer?
NW: I think Queer just means that you’re not trying to live in that heteronormative “This is the man’s role, this is the woman’s role” mindset. It doesn’t even necessarily mean same sex, especially because I think that queer doesn’t even need gender, it kind of throws that idea away. And I think that that’s an important thing for people in general to realize. The queerest couple I know is my brother and sister-in-law, and it looks like they’ve got, from the outside, the picture-perfect life. My brother is a stay-at-home dad, and he’s comfortable with that. They take care of the kids together. They’re comfortable with their roles and they’re not doing it to make a statement, they’re doing it because it works well for them, and they’re both happy in it and I think that’s a great thing, that they can live their lives without having to fit into some kind of model.
JL: Pick your favorite myth about queer people and debunk it.
NW: I think my favorite myth is that attractive women can’t really be lesbians. Because guys, if you’re what they consider a scary old dyke, they don’t care, be a lesbian, you’re a lesbian, that’s fine! But if they find you the least bit attractive, either they completely ignore all the gay coming off of you, and hit on you, or they pull that “Oh, you just need a man”. But it’s such a sexist thing for a guy to think “Because you’re attractive there’s just no way you can’t be attracted to me, there’s no way that there’s just something in you that means you’re inherently not attracted to me because I’m a man.”
People say that it’s a lot harder to be a gay man, but it is and it isn’t, because at least your relationships get taken seriously. You don’t have women all over you all the time trying to turn you. There’s the occasional girl who is just delusional and thinks she wants a gay man, but that doesn’t happen very often. Girls might wish you were straight, but they’re not gonna tell you that you just need a good woman in your life. At least they respect two men together. If you’re a woman and you try to tell them that you’re not at all interested then they say you’re crazy or that it’s a phase.
JL: What is your definition of feminism?
NW: Feminism is just a belief that inequality based on gender isn’t okay and that these roles and these norms aren’t okay and the hyper-sexualization of our culture isn’t okay, and that the sexual violence is just not okay. It’s not about man-hating. For a while, I wanted to try to do some grad school work in Women’s and Gender Studies and I wanted to write about why feminism is good for men. Because I think people miss that a lot of times, they miss that. Even as a queer woman, one of the things I love about feminism is that it’s good for men, if they’ll embrace it, and that it’s good for everybody.
It’s not like all the myths...People are so scared of that word and it frustrates me so much. I’ve talked to people who say we don’t need it anymore, say that it’s obsolete and we don’t need it. And that just kills me, because what about the rape, the sexual assault worldwide, that’s not normal, that’s not good, that’s not a sign that feminism is obsolete.
JL: And how would you connect feminism to LGBT rights?
NW: I think a huge part of it is that feminism says that you can be who you are--you can be a strong woman, or a passive man or whoever you want to be and that’s okay, you don’t have to stick to these norms. I think that so much of being LGBTQ is being who you are and what you are, and I think that feminism and the LGBTQ rights movements should be such natural allies. And I think that part of it is that you might have a little bit of fear of being associated with one or the other, but it just makes sense. The things we want to fight for are the things that feminism is all about--it’s about equality in every single sense of the word, whether it’s race, gender or class based. So why wouldn’t we want to connect those two things, and join forces, and make this amazing new civil rights movement?
JL: If you could pick three things that you would want to see happen in Charleston in the next year, what would they be?
NW: I’d like to see a more broad base of the LGBT rights movement, because I do think that overall its stuck in an upper-middle class setting, and not reaching a lot of the people who could really use it. It’s not reaching a lot of the people who could easily lose their jobs if anyone found out they were gay, and who can’t afford to lose their jobs. And younger people, I think there are some good groups, but I think that there’s still a lot of work to do to interconnect all the communities. I think our gay community is very separate in a lot of ways. We could have the strongest gay community in South Carolina if we could come together.
On a different note, I’d like to see something happen in the cycling community to make riding, downtown especially, but just in general, better, and I think a big part of that is educating people who don’t ride in a conscientious way. Because when you are on a bike people automatically hate you because they’re tired of people riding the wrong way on a one way street and blowing through a red light while they’re texting on their cell phone on their beach cruisers. That’s why people keep getting hit, because people in cars aren’t paying attention or they just don’t care, they’ll hit you and drive off. It’s at a bad point, especially considering the amount of people who ride bikes around here.
And third, I’d like to see more inter-community discussion about issues. We’re a major part of the state, and a very liberal portion of the state in a lot of ways, and there are so many issues going on. I’d like to see just--Republicans and Democrats and gay and straight--I’d like to see someone hosting dialogues to get people talking about whatever issues, hot button issues or whatever, get people talking. There are a lot of movers and shakers around, a lot of really active young people and older people and in between--all these people who are passionate and care about issues. And I think it’d be a really interesting and a great learning experience because it’s great to do things in our individual groups, but you learn so much more when you talk to people with different opinions.
JL: Do you have any projects in the works?
NW: I’ve been looking at getting involved with Lowcountry AIDS Services and doing some volunteer work with them. I also worked with the Mautner Project in DC. They help people all around the country who call in--lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women with health problems. They help them navigate the healthcare system. They had someone call in from SC and they found it really difficult to help her because our healthcare system is so screwed up. So I was thinking that that might be an interesting place to start, especially because Charleston is kind of a hotbed. There’s MUSC and Roper, Trident healthcare system...There are three big and influential healthcare systems that I think all strive to move forward and be progressive. I was thinking of getting back in touch with the Mautner Project and seeing if I could help make some contacts happen. Even if one of those hospitals would be willing to help work with these people, make it a little bit easier, do some trainings and stuff, I think that would be a really cool thing do, really good, and it could benefit a lot of people.
JL: What events in popular/mainstream culture do you think are moving the conversation about queer identity forward?
NW: You know one person who does a lot in a really quiet way just by being herself, is Ellen Degeneres. I admire her so much because she’s very unapologetic about who she is; she’s very open and very out, but not in a way that anyone finds offensive, not in a way that bothers anybody. She's on freaking Covergirl commercials, and she’s got this talk show that everybody loves and everybody goes on. She’ll step out and say things when they need to be said, but over all she just is who she is but she’s out about it. If we all just did that, if we could all just be who we are and be out, there’s nothing awkward about that, and I think that she makes people more comfortable. She's married, she’s got a wife, but you love her, you think she's great, you think she's funny.
Another one who comes to mind is Dan Choi, who was a lieutenant in the military, and he was pretty much forced into retirement because he decided to come out. And with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell that wasn’t happening, so he was force to retire, but he’ll sit there and say “If they repeal DADT I will put my hand on that bible and I will swear to protect this country again.” He’s an Arabic translator, he’s by all accounts an amazing soldier and extremely skilled and has skills that we need. Everybody is trying to recruit Arabic translators, but I’ve read about all these Arabic translators who have been kicked out of the military for being gay and it’s like what is wrong with you people? I think that seeing those kinds of figures is important--he’s not famous but he’s standing up and very loudly proclaiming that he's not going to deal with this.
I think its the people in real life who are making the positive impact, far more so than whatever TV shows and movies and whatever else come out, I think it’s seeing real people who are going through these things. People who just are. That’s what I try to do with my life. I’m very out about who I am, but it doesn't make me any different than anybody else--I want people to see that.
JL: If you had to ask yourself an interview question what would it be?
NW: I would ask me who inspires me to be a better person, to help people. And by far the one person who inspires me the most is my Mom, because you know, my whole life I've seen her helping people. She’d counsel pregnant teens, stuff like that, and this was 15 years ago but even now when she sees these women on the street they recognize her and they remember her and thank her. She’s had such a profound impact on these people. Then she was the executive director a nonprofit organization and now she trains Coastal Carolina University students to be mentors for kids at Title 1 schools. My whole life I’ve watched her impact the community around her and impact people and their lives. Thats what I want to do, I want to help people and impact their lives and dedicate my life to that. I mean volunteering on the side is great, but thats what I want my focus to be--helping people. We don't agree on a lot of issues, but she's the one who taught me to believe what I believe and not back down. It’s funny because I think sometimes she gets frustrated with me but I have to remind her, you made me this way, Mom, you taught me the difference between right and wrong and even if our interpretations of some things are different, this is your doing!
JL: Thanks so much Nurin!
And in regards to the four young people we have lost just this month to anti-gay bullying and homophobia:
NW: ...I’ll give HRC credit for the program they’ve come up with for elementary schools, because that’s what needs to happen. It has to be a systemic approach. It’s not special treatment, it’s common sense and human decency. And a lot of these schools don’t have programs, a lot of these schools have told parents “If your kid is gonna act like that there is nothing we can do”. They are basically saying “If your kid is gonna be a flamer, yeah he’s gonna get picked on.” That’s total crap! But it’s up to everybody, it’s up to us. I like Dan Savage’s It Gets Better project. It’s a great thing for kids to see, that it will get better. It may not get better tomorrow, but one day...
We adults have to take responsibility, because by putting the gay rights issue at the forefront, we’re stirring the pot. And we’re not dealing with the repercussions, it’s these 13 or 14 or 15 year olds; these kids who aren’t prepared for it, who don’t know what to do with it. They are the ones catching the brunt of it. We get frustrated with all this stuff, we lose sight of the fact that for us it’s a fight for rights but for them it’s a life and death fight and that that’s what is really scary and that is something we need to take very seriously. Gay marriage? Great. Repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell? Great. But these kids are fighting for their lives, and they are just kids. Most of them don’t have anybody to tell them, no models, no one, to tell them that they will graduate from high school and it’ll be okay, that they’ll find friends and community and a life. They need that, and gay people, queer people, allies--everybody--we need to turn our attention to that and not just in a political way, but in a compassionate way! I mean, this needs to be a focus. Put everything aside. This really is not about conservative or liberal. These are kids. They don’t need to be committing suicide, they need to know that there is a life worth living, that their lives are worth living.
It doesn’t matter who you are, everybody should be able to unite over this, that’s just intuitive. And I feel like the state of affairs these days is that we see this, we get worked up, and in a couple of weeks if another kid doesn’t kill themselves we forget and we move on with our lives, when there are still thousands of gay teens who are still in the same place they were before.
